04/12/2021
A little chuckle for the weekend!!
You may know that lots and lots of Southerners move to Queensland every year, more this year than previously!!
This is an extract of the diary of one such adventurous soul!
August 31st Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days And warm
balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see
the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of Palms and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get Used to
this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though, but getting
used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3
days of work. What a daft thing to do. I learnt my lesson though. Got to
respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I didn't see Kitty our cat, sneaking into the car before I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car at lunchtime, Kitty had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank out $3,000 Worth of
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells
like Wiskettes and cat s**t. I learnt my lesson though. No more pets in this
heat.
October 25th:
The wind gives me the s**ts. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer!! And
it's as hot as hell. The air conditioner is on the blink and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order
parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 house
and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 35 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody humidity makes the
house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this bloody place.
November 8th:
If another smartarse says, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to throttle
him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's radiator is boiling
over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th :
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers
of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like
burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever
rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of
palms will dry up and blow into the bloody pool. Even the palms can't live
in this heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the air conditioner in
my car has gone. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you
today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment to bail my arse out of
jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane. What kind of a sick
demented idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of summer???? You are @ #?*@! kidding!
