01/01/2024
Part 1: The Past
Tânsi nitôtêmak.
I'm doing an update in two parts, with this being the first and the second coming tomorrow. It's going to be long so pull up a chair.
If I'm being honest, I'm incredibly disheartened that this year didn't turn out at all how I had envisioned it last year at this time. I had so much hope and excitement for 2023 and it delivered pretty much the complete opposite. Here's a look into what happened...
👎🏻 When I went to renew my registration in March, I ended up having to pay an extra $200 for a speeding ticket my ex got before he stopped driving the car
👎🏻 My daughter's gerbil died in April costing me ~$400 to give her the least painful end of life care at the vet
👎🏻 My grades declined at school because I was a full time student, a full time employee, a full time single mom, dealing with a narcissist ex and having to move out of the rental I was in
👎🏻 My landlord called me mid-April to tell me my ex didn't pay rent for our last month there so I ended up pulling over $2000 out of my ass to pay them even though I had already given my ex money to pay rent at the end of March
👎🏻 I moved twice
👎🏻 My daughter had the worst time starting at her new school in September and it took a toll on our mental health
👎🏻 I was also in a car accident in September and was without my car for 2 weeks while it got fixed
👎🏻 My phone completely s**t the bed on one of my busiest days in October
👎🏻 My mom fell extremely ill and we were close to losing her
👎🏻 Both school and my art have taken a major backseat
and I think the most taxing, yet entertaining, scenario was the time I ran into my ex at the mall because when I confronted him later on about paying me back the almost $20,000 he owes me (including the aforementioned debts) he told me he wouldn't. He replied trying to sound tough saying I made less than him during our relationship, he did so much for me while we were together and that because I apparently didn't know his favourite food it left him feeling under appreciated and emotionally distant. Narcissism at it's finest, everyone. All I can say is I'd rather have his debt than his child or his last name. I'm sending my condolences to his new wife (who he managed to lure and manipulate into marrying him less than a year after he abandoned me and my daughter). 🙏🏻
Why am I sharing this? I'm sharing this because it's my life and my life is what created Nôsisim Creations. My life and what happens in it is what keeps my business alive albeit a shadow in the background lately. It isn't just about making pretty things or trying to sell more than I have previously. It's also about raw emotions, real life events, and everything in between.
I'm scared to look at 2024 with optimism - it's what I did with 2023 and it's beaten the absolute s**t out of me. To help ease the hesitation and taking a page out my therapist's "book", I've been thinking about intentions for the new year rather than goals. This way I can be more kind to myself if life goes sideways again. I never expect any year to be perfect but I do need years to come that are more gentle and filled with good things that can overshadow all the bad that will inevitably happen.
So 2023, it wasn't very nice to meet you but you've helped me grow in ways I couldn't imagine. You've been a year I never want to have to go through again. Peace out, tuguy ✌🏻
