06/16/2024
Father's Day has gotten harder and harder for me over the years. A bio dad that I always just had a casual relationship with, who I'm not out to, and who has fallen deeper into the right wing rabbit hole as the years go by. If he knew I'm a nonbinary q***r, he'd try to indoctrinate me more. The last text he sent me was a religious video a few days after my birthday. He never wished me a happy birthday, however.
Then we can add in my step dad. The 14 years he was married to my mom left me with emotional scars I'm still healing from. The amount of guilt my mom went through when she finally kicked him out. I will never forget I was moving to St. Louis the day after she officially told him to pack his s**t. She hugged me and through tears apologized for what he put me through, like it was her fault. As many times as I told her it wasn't her fault, I know she carried that guilt to her grave.
This year I made the decision not to text my dad to wish him a happy father's day. It was a hard decision. Friends helped me and supported me. I decided, instead, to celebrate the amazing father that my brother has become. While he didn't have to endure the same emotional abuse from his dad that I did, he still witnessed what I went through and I know how much it upset him. Watching him teach his children to be kind and inclusive gives me hope. My favorite family picture is his daughter on his shoulders and his wife holding their baby boy while they're at the Thanksgiving Day parade. They braved the subway with 2 small kids on a busy day when the would normally stay home, just so the kids could see Bluey.
So that's what I'm celebrating today. Watching my brother be the dad I wish we had.
