08/03/2025
šŖµ Still Wood Studios: Custom Order Policy
# # # *(A.K.A. āThe Legal-ish Stuff in Case of Zombies, Bigfoot, or Alien Interventionā)*
Welcome to **Still Wood Studios**, where sawdust is sacred, barrels are bourbon-soaked, and each piece of furniture has more personality than your neighborās HOA-approved patio set.
Letās get one thing straight:
Ordering custom-made furniture is **fun**. Like, whiskey-by-the-fire, Bigfoot-sighting, āI think the CIA is watching me build thisā fun. So enjoy this policy. Itās got jokes, but itās also serious where it counts.
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# # # šØ Every Piece is Handmade
All items are lovingly (and manually) crafted by yours truly, using **real wood** and **reclaimed whiskey barrels**ānot factory-cut clones or particle board pressed in a shady underground lab. That means:
āļø Variations in wood grain, tone, shape, and finish are **normal**, natural, and beautiful.
ā If you want six chairs that look like they were made by a machine army with laser eyesāyou're in the wrong shop, comrade.
# # # š« No Refunds on Custom Orders
Once you place a **custom order**, itās **final**. Why?
Because I donāt mass-produce.
Once I start sawing, cutting, sanding, and cursing under my breathāitās yours. Forever.
Even if thereās a zombie apocalypse, alien mothership delay, or the UPS truck gets lost in a Bermuda Triangle-shaped cul-de-sac.
ā”ļø **No returns, no exchanges, no refunds** on custom work. Period.
# # # š¦ Timelines (a.k.a. Time Is an Illusion)
Iāll give you a time estimateābut this isnāt Amazon Prime.
Delays can happen due to:
* Weather (actual or government-controlled)
* Supply chain hiccups (thanks, global chaos!)
* The fact that good furniture takes time, especially when working with barrels previously filled with Americaās finest spirits.
**Patience is a virtueāand also a survival skill if youāre waiting out a wood shortage.**
# # # š„ What If It Breaks?
Now, I **do stand behind my craftsmanship**. If something fails due to **normal use**ālike a loose joint, split, or issue that wasnāt caused by an interdimensional riftā
š Iāll fix it or replace it.
**But**ā¦ if you hurl it from a second-story window at Bigfoot, drop it in a volcano, or it succumbs to nuclear falloutā
ā”ļø That oneās on you, my friend.
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# # # š¤ Final Thoughts from the Workshop
Ordering custom furniture should be **fun**.
So laugh a little. Donāt take life too seriouslyā**none of us get out alive anyway.**
If youāre here, you value authenticity, creativity, and handmade quality over mass-produced mediocrity. And I appreciate that.
Thanks for supporting a small business that believes in good craftsmanship, good stories, and maybe a few good conspiracy theories.
Cheers and sawdust,
**Still Wood Studios**
