07/19/2026
🪻🌻 Our "In Bloom" art retreat group with the Milan Art Institute ventured out on a plein air outing to the Lavender Festival 💜 🌻🪻🌻 where there was food, music, vendors, shows and fields with rows and rows of Lavender🪻SunFLoWeRs 🌻 and O..M..G 😱😳🫣 hundreds and hundreds of 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝
Now ✋🏽... if you know me at all, you KNOW I will cause a scene, run folks off road, accidentally trample on you and knock over everything in sight just to get away!! 🏃🏽♀️I've been like this my entire life..conditioned & gripped in this fear that I remembered later in life was attached to a childhood trauma!
Let me explain that trauma:
I'm 4 years old, innocently playing & pretending I was a FaiRy 🧚♀️, Named InDiGo, I might add!💁🏽♀️
I was blowing magical wishes 🪄 ✨️in the air (DaNDeLioNs that represented my other FAiRy 🧚♂️ Friends) when the "Big BaD🍑 WoLf" 🐺 aka my cousin who was 7yr old interrupted me with his "exciting news" that he located FAiRieS 🧚🏽♀️ 🧚♂️ and knew how to make them swirl up in the sky with magical FAiRy dust that would fall all around me but I had to be still to watch the show performance. He led me over to the bushes in our front yard which contained a massive gray looking "ball" that looked really cool & I've never seen one before. He told me to stand still for the show & that I can't move or the FAiRieS would leave. I wasn't going anywhere!! I stood there as he stomped, smashed & quickly ran off. It all happened so quickly I didn't have time to think because my initial thought was why would he smash the FAiRy House?? I stood in amazement as the "FAiRieS" SWaRMeD around me and in the same instance I was met by stinging, excruciating pain and covered in bees 🐝🐝 that I couldn't get off me as I was flailing around. My screams were heard by my grandmother 👵🏽 whom raised us. She ran out & quickly back inside which made me think she left me alone in this only for her to return with a broom that she was quickly "beating" me with. She was actually trying to knock off as many bees as she could and she snatched me up & ran. We both ended up rushed to the hospital where dozens of medical Dr's/ nurses/ staff treated us for hours removing stingers over every inch of our bodies and removing bees still stuck on us. I remember they placed a white paper sheet over my face/ chest area as they removed stingers so that I couldn't see everything happening...I guess to lessen the Trauma 🤷🏽♀️ We both could've lost our lives!!
I went through life not remembering this until it resurfaced during my times when I suffered with depression. I carried it in my subconscious tucked away/ suppressed as our brains naturally do for survival. This created a DeePLy RooTeD FeaR of MOST bugs 🐞 🐝 🦋🪲🦗🕷🪳 & I am highly allergic to bees 🐝 and must carry an EpiPeN, which I had 2 with me at the Lavender Festival 💜
⛓️🔗💪🏽 BUT.... ☝🏽back to the 🪻🌻🪻Festival, When I saw all the 🐝🐝 I felt NO FEAR, NO ANXIETY, NO BUTTERFLIES & KNOTS IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH, NO FLUSHING/HOT FLASHING NOR SWEATING, NO AUTO RESPONSE TO RUN, NO RACING HEART 💓, NO LABORED BREATHING, NO TRIGGER ⛓️🔗💪🏽 ..... BECAUSE I WAS CHANGED, IN THE BASILICA DI SAN FRANCESCO
MY Fears were GONE & INSTEAD I FELT LOVE, I Felt CAREFREE, HaPpY, EuPHoRiC.... I felt like the 4 year old Innocent FAiRy 🧚🏽♀️ again 🙌🏽😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
•°✨️🧚🏽♀️🧚🏽♂️✨️°•. I WAS FREE 🙌🏽... I WAS FREE🙇🏽♀️🙌🏽🧚🏽♂️🧚🏽♀️ ✨️°•.
And while others were painting away in their sketchbooks, I was PAiNTiNg Away my FeaRs with my FAiRy 🧚🏽♀️ 🐝 Friends once again!! There was MAGIC 🪄 ✨️ 💛 💖 ✨️ in those Fields for me! There was HeaLinG ReSToReD. There was FReeDoM 🙌🏽 There was a 4 year old little girl given back what was taken from her long ago! There was⛓️ broken.
My grandmother 👵🏽 LOVED SuNFLoWeRs 🌻💛 and I Felt her presence. We were REUNITED in the SuNFLoWeR Fields 🌻 and When I KiSSeD a SuNFLoWeR - I KiSSeD Her, I Kissed my 4 year old innocent self, I KiSSeD the🐝🐝🐝, I Kissed SuNsHiNe, I KiSSeD the FaCe of GoD, I KiSSeD FReeDoM 🙌🏽💛🌻🐝🫶🏽
✍️🏽📝🎶💃🏽 .•°🐝🌻🪻🦋 ~ Tosha Watkins PeTTaWaY
