Tough Titties Textiles

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Desexualising the human body one crocheted tit at a time. A crochet shop run by an old crone buried deep in the Scottish forest. A pie bakes. Apple and blueberry.

She wields her magic crochet hook carved from a unicorn horn, producing tits and scrunchies enchanting enough to fill any hoard. Over her shoulder, atop a shawl with a pink and yellow skull motif, sit a pair of pasty, saggy tits, stretch marks an ever changing rainbow with daisy areoles. Beyond her crooked porch stretches a forest of gnarled oaks and haggard foxes, refugees from modern life come t

o rest a moment in her wooly, bit musty, embrace. On the Aga inside sits a cauldron, bubbling brews to mend aches and sooth bellies and intoxicate. Beside it is a pair of crocheted oven gloves. In the garden by the vegetable patch with potatoes and squash and mandrake is the penny-farthing she rides to town. Strapped to the back in a willful display of the strength of yarn,, is a wicker laundry basket on wheels. Even though it's sat unused and the day darkens to a crisp, pink dusk, the cats mew about, waiting for the next trip to town. The old hag piles her yarn in the basket at her feet, hoists her tits inside, and potters slowly through the cottage, muttering curses and groaning like the boards beneath her. She passed the mirror by the fire place. Mirrors are dangerous things, she knows. She puts the basket of tits on the floor. Staring at the lines on her forehead, the creases around her eyes and mouth. The sag of her ear lobes and droop of her decolletage, she blinks. The face in the mirror flickers gently like static through powerlines. The tits tighten and the sagging ears are replaced by bejewelled monuments to medical grade scaffolding. She's 25, in a hoodie and ancient knickers, ball of mustard yarn tangling in one pocket, half finished Jaffa Cakes in the other. In her hair is a scrunchie made of scrap yarn, stuck with crochet hooks and tapestry needles. She hasn't slept in days. Her wrists sound like cement mixers, her elbows are down to the nubbin. She'll stop after this tit, she tells herself as she selects a new Panic At The Disco album. The crone makes a pot of coffee.

19/12/2022

ARE WE FEELING THE TITMAS VIBES?! Comment the first three words you find and that's what Santa's gonna bring ya!

27/02/2022

F**k Putin.

I'm making a range of F**k Putin products, 100% (not just profit) going to the Ukrainian organisation to get medical supplies to those who need it.

DM me to make an order and let me know if you want £15 of F**k Putin squishy, or a £50 F**k Putin bucket hat. I dunno, let's f**k him creatively, just cover postage.

**kputin

17/02/2022

And the winners are…

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Thank you to everyone who entered our first competition! We will have plenty more coming up so keep your eyes peeled 👀

If you are a winner please DM us and we will send your prizes out!

Happy Random Act of Kindness day!

15/02/2022

It's time for Tough Ti***es first COMPETITION

I believe that it's cool to be kind which is why I LOVE Random Act of Kindness Day.

I want you to show your friends, partners, pets or someone that you have just met some kindness by entering them in our competition.

They could win a BIG B**B PILLOW (worth £35.00) and if they come in second place they will get a Tough Ti***es b**b keyring!

How to enter:
🟠 Tag someone special in the comments below.
🟠 Ask them kindly to follow Tough Ti***es.
🟠 Share this post on your stories to help us spread the kindness and we will chuck you in the prize draw.

We will have a winner and a runner up who will be randomly picked and announced on the 17th of February at 5pm.

This competition is not affiliated in any way with Facebook. Be scammer aware.

Good Luck!

14/02/2022

Did you know that the Victorian's loved Valentines Day?

They specifically loved sending Valentine's day cards to those they admired and those they disliked. The cards often had cats on them, lobsters and insults (some things never go out of fashion).

Swipe through and pick a favourite. Naturally, my favourite is the lemon one.

Happy Valentines Day lovers ❤

13/02/2022

Here is your Sunday reminder - choose violence ❤️🌸❤️

Available on Etsy (link in bio)

P.S - we will never be this romantic again.

10/02/2022

I'M SO THORNY 🌵🌵

A houseplant you can’t kill. Searching for a handmade gift for yourself or for someone special? These prickly guys are THIRSTY for a home ❤

I'M SO THORNY crochet cactus = £40.00
PRICK crochet cactus = £25.00

Available on my Etsy shop (link in bio) or flick me a DM.

📸 -

05/02/2022

Rainy Saturday feels 🌧

Sleeping cat > wine > a whole lotta t**s 🟠🟠

03/02/2022

Taking a moment this Thursday evening to appreciate this smiley little dude 😀

He makes a wonderful addition to any desk, bedroom or bathroom. He doesn’t need watering and he always has a smile on this face. These have been selling like hot plants so get in quick to secure one for yourself or a special someone. They make a great gift for love day 😉Link in bio to Etsy or DM me!

01/02/2022

Choose Violence.

30/01/2022

HAPPY SUNDAY WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?!

My weekend has been making these little cuties. DM me if you likey or would like one for a specific coffee maker.

✨This was ✨

21/01/2022

A friend to haunt your veganuary dreams. Someone to hold your hand through the or****ic sensations of that first Beyond Meat burger, the crunch of a Quorn nug, the gooey deliciousness of a Violife cheddar Mac n cheese waffle. A friend to guide you through your vegan life, hand in hand, on the road to seitan. Hail seitan.

Address

Edinburgh

Website

https://toughtittiestextiles.com/

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