05/11/2022
I didn't realise how much of a mental challenge having Emily was going to be. I read all the books, attended all of the on line antenatal's writing notes, reviewing and memorising them. Prepped mine and baby's bags. I had massive help from my dearest and oldest friends with clothes, equipment and advice. Was easy with breastfeeding or bottle I was prepared to go with the flow but secretly hoping breastfeeding would be the way forward. Organised to work up to 1 week before my due date, although my line manager thought I was mad!
Already suffering from mental challenges at work and at home with various things, I started to fall apart and I didn't even know it. I didn't think about the birth, or what was happening to me because I was in too deep, I couldn't see a way forward even though I was trying to convince myself and everyone else it was something or someone else that was causing the issue.
Knowing I needed help but what type of help? What was it I needed? I did not have a clue! ....This set the scene for the next 12 months in a fog, colleagues, friends, family all asking and wanting to give me the support I needed for talking about how I'm doing and if I need anything doing, I just didn't know.
The reality was I had a lot of support from the health visitor team, doctors, close friends, family, husband to talk too and I am grateful for that, I really am, but I still needed help, I was low, really low, I ended up in dis pare at the doctors (not even my doctors) with a screaming baby and streaming tears down my face I couldn't cope, I wanted to give it all up, I wasn't good enough, I was rubbish at being a mum, I wanted a break from it all I wanted the doctors to section me and take my 4 month old baby away for a few days while I recovered and sorted why she was being the way she was.
Emily was a baby that didn't want to be put down, if she wasn't screaming, she was feeding off me or sleeping on me, if I tried to put her down the house would be filled with screams from her and tears from me. I couldn't eat, make a cuppa or go to the loo without her in my arms or a sling, it was really tough.
As time went on Emily suffered bad eczema and well take your pick, milk intolerance, re flux, wind, bad feeding techniques you name it, its only now at 16 months I feel like I have got it all under control, knowing exactly what is going to happen, when and why. I feel happier that I'm mostly in control and I know what I have been doing is right for Emily and I but tomorrow is another day and another challenge that I am supporting myself on and becoming an expert in because the experts are too busy or I cant afford them.
Food, weaning, allergies, hypersensitivities to foods, OH MY GOD! What on earth, as if the first 6 months were bad enough, weaning has been even worse! Blood tests, pin tests, trial and error, A&E god knows how may times, extremely unwell baby has put mine and my husbands nerves to the very edge of no return. With my life being food I never ever expected this to happen or even consider it would happen but it has and is happening with little help from the NHS because of the state they are in, I have had to go it alone and find out what is happening and why, thankfully Emily is able to have more foods slowly but it is so frustrating. Especially when you see other babies happily munching on foods you wish your baby could have!
Why on earth are you telling me all this I hear. Well, I am delighted to create and boast about my new business, I don't want any new family to go through what I went through, yes I had my husband, family and friends around me but I needed something else, I needed someone to be on call through the night to stop me going gaga over google research and to help feed me, to look after me, to keep my house in order, to stop me going insane and this is what we offer you.
A support service to help you mentally and physically with your new family for as long as you need us. We are mum's that have been there and I have the network around me filled with experts, advice, ideas and actions that will help and guide what is right for you on your journey as a new family.
Let us help and support you in this precious and daunting time.
