Astrollogy Candles

Wickedly Funny, No BS Candles

01/10/2026

October just hit and we're back on the road doing what we do best!

There’ll be plenty of candles, questionable labels and because it’s October, a healthy dose of spooky s**t too. 👻

Whether you’re shopping for yourself (... treat yourself), looking for a gift for someone who needs a candle with an attitude problem or just want to come and have a laugh, I’d bloody love to see you!

Come say hi, have a browse and help this one-woman candle operation keep the lights on 🕯

We're also upping the candle making workshops this month, because who doesn't want to make spooky candles?!

Here's where we're headed this month:

SAT 3 October - Craft & Flea - Manchester
SUN 4 October - Craft & Flea - Newcastle
SUN 4 October - Craft & Flea - Leeds
SUN 11 October - Big Vegan - Sheffield
SUN 18 October - Craft & Flea - Edinburgh
SUN 18 October - Gothtober - Edinburgh
MON 19 October - Make Candles - Middlesbrough
FRI 23 October - Make Candles - Carlisle
SUN 25 October - Big Vegan - Liverpool
WED 28 October - Make Candles - Newcastle

24/09/2026

Imagine being brought back from the dead, only to discover some bloke has already decided your entire fu***ng purpose: keep him company, adore him unconditionally and presumably bring him his slippers while he moans about his miserable existence. Congratulations, you're not a woman - you're apparently a fu***ng subscription service with stitches. You didn't crawl out of a laboratory and become someone's emotional support co**se. If he thinks you're going to spend eternity catering to his every whim, give him the most terrifying thing imaginable: a woman who knows her fu***ng worth and is no-ones participation trophy.

Scented with dark black wilted rose, smoky oudh, and a hint of “Sounds like a fu***ng you problem,” this candle is gothic, mysterious and dripping with defiant feminine energy and a pulse of pure rage. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for anyone who'd rather rise from the grave than spend eternity serving a man who thinks women are accessories with a cleaning function.

Pro Tip:
Light this when someone expects you to manage his feelings, organise his life and applaud him for doing the bare fu***ng minimum. Remember: you can reject a man without providing a PowerPoint presentation explaining why he's a disappointment.

Warning:
May cause spontaneous feminist resurrection, dangerously strong boundaries, rejection of patriarchal bulls**t and the overwhelming urge to send entitled men straight back to whatever fu***ng crypt they crawled out of.

Scent: Black Wilted Rose + Smoky Oudh

18/09/2026

I finally thought it was probably time to introduce myself properly 😂

So if you’re new here, hi 👋🏻 I’m Chantal. I'm the person behind all of the outrageous candle labels.

And if you’ve been here a while… you might have just learnt a few things you definitely didn’t know about me...

28/07/2026

The problem with dating is that every c**t arrives dressed as Prince Charming. They hold doors open, buy flowers and tell you you're "different." You order Prince Charming but somehow Wish delivers the village fu***ng idiot. Fast forward three months and turns out the shiny armour was just tin foil wrapped around an absolute fu***ng turnip

Scented with delicate English garden rose, blooming florals, and a hint of "fu***ng hell, not this again," this candle is a floral reminder that shiny armour means f**k all if the man inside it is a complete helmet. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for recovering from another spectacular dating disaster whilst raising your standards

Pro Tip:
Light this before a first date. If he mentions "high-value males" or starts quoting Andrew Tate... extinguish the candle and your interest immediately

Warning:
May cause a sudden ability to spot a c**t in tin foil from several postcodes away and the uncontrollable urge to leave any clowns at the circus where they belong

02/07/2026

ANNOUNCEMENT: JULY TOUR DATES JUST DROPPED! 🕯🔥

Like a travelling circus, we're back on the road!

Here's where we'll be peddling our filth this month 📍👇🏻

4 & 5 July
12 July Craft & Flea - Edinburgh
18 July Big Vegan Market - Sheffield
25 July Dione Hall and Gena King
27 July Edinburgh’s Alternative Night Market - Edinburgh
30 July The Night Market UK - Lincoln

Don't forget to check out our 7 new scents we've just released in July including:

🍐Peony Suede & Orchard Pear
📚Antique Leather & Aged Oak
🪴Aromatic Myrtle + Palo Santo
🔥Black Charcoal + Charred Birch
☘️Black Tea + To***co Leaf
💧Peaflower Tea + Rainfall
🌹English Garden Rose + Florals

01/06/2026

Our June schedule is officially out.

You know when you say you’ll take it easy this month? Yeah… we didn’t.

We’ve added another 9 events to the schedule because why not keep things a little on the chaotic side.

Here's where to find us 📍

Indie Night Market Sheffield - 4th June
Newcastle - 6th June
Newcastle - 7th June
Byker - 13th & 14th Juneouseburn Byker - 20th June
Newcastle - 21st June
Seaburn - 25th June
Leeds - 28th June

06/05/2026

We couldn’t help ourselves, we've just dropped another market into this month with York!

(As if May couldn't get any busier!😂)

Do we need sleep? Debatable.

Do you need another candle? Absolutely!

Swing by, have a sniff and pretend you’re “just browsing.” We both know you’re not...

New schedule:
York
📅 24th May

See you there 🕯️

06/04/2026

Labelling all 87 candles from start to finish 🕯

05/04/2026

Newcastle… new venue unlocked! ✨ Are you ready?

Get ready for a taste of Night Market UK magic at ! Over 50 amazing traders will be there with vintage clothing, jewellery, handmade crafts, candles and so much more ✨

When & Where:
📅 Thursday 7th May
⏰ 17:30 – 22:30
📍 STACK Newcastle

Browse, shop, and soak up the vibes while STACK’s legendary food vendors keep you fuelled 🍔🌮. Upstairs, the drinks are flowing, the company is top-notch, and the STACK atmosphere is unbeatable.

Oh… did we mention a DJ will be spinning the soundtrack for the night? 🎶

Dreamy shopping, mouthwatering food, and a late-night market packed with local small businesses, what more could you want?

Tag your market buddies and make a night of it!

🎟️ Tickets are cheaper online than on the door, so grab yours now via the link in our bio.

08/03/2026

As Sunday evening approaches, the looming dread of Monday morning kicks in reminding you that the freedom of the weekend was only temporary. The long, miserable parade of meetings, emails, and pretending to give a s**t stretches out in front of you like a highway to hell—five whole days before the sweet, beautiful relief of the next weekend finally shows its face again.

This candle is your final act of rebellion before the corporate s**tshow resumes. With juicy notes of ripe peach, sun-soaked orchard fruit and a hint of ‘utter loathing of Monday fu***ng mornings’, it smells like carefree summer days—aka the complete opposite of opening your inbox at 9:01am. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it burns longer than your patience for Monday morning bulls**t and your will to live, which at this point, will clock out before you do.

Pro Tip:
Light this candle Sunday night while presetting the twenty alarms for Monday morning just to help motivate you to get out of bed ahead of the dreaded working week. It burns calmly while you spiral wonderinh about what fresh hell the upcoming week will bring and mentally calculating how many coffees it’s going to take just to survive it.

Warning:
May cause aggressive snoozing, spontaneous swearing at alarm clocks, and a deep desire to disappear into thin air before 9am. Side effects include muttering “only four more days…” every afternoon and counting down to Friday like a prisoner marking lines on a wall. Use caution around productivity gurus and anyone who says “I love Mondays!” with a straight face.

Address

Newcastle Upon Tyne

Website

https://www.astrollogycandles.co.uk/

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Astrollogy Candles posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Business

Send a message to Astrollogy Candles:

Want your business to be the top-listed interior service in Newcastle upon Tyne?