03/24/2024
This was taken October 31st, 1942. The day my parents were married at 16 and 17 yrs old.
Today: Would be my dad’s 99th birthday.
He was a very handsome man. Prematurely gray in his 40’s but still had a thick head of hair when he died at 77 in a car wreck.
My
Dad loved cars. He owned over 100 cars during his life and he had a little
Book that he recorded the make and year of every car he purchased.
He was an American car made guy. Primarily GM. He did own a Cadillac and when I was in the 1st grade.
I made my mother drop
Me off at the entente to the school because people called me a “rich” kid because of the car. Our town was poor. We were poor but I didn’t know that.
My parents both worked in factories. I was the youngest girl of 4 and grew up mostly
Like an only. My mother was 31 when she had me and she was so much older than my friends mothers. But she had her first child at 17. My 2 oldest siblings were married when I was only 5. I didn’t know them and they still don’t know me. They always lived far away and I’ve never really had anyone in my family to know me or spend time with me.
My father didn’t spend time with me either. I wanted to know him and be loved by him so badly but he didn’t ever talk to me unless I was in trouble or when I started dating.
He was a very strict father. Someone who scared me and wouldn’t allow me to ask any questions.
What I can say is he was never ever hypocritical. He lived and breathed the letter of the law but didn’t know how to show love or compassion to his girls. He expected us to walk the straight and narrow and to never question anything he believed.
I loved my father. And I still do. I mourn that I didn’t have a relationship with him and that he didn’t know me. I mourn that he was so strict I couldn’t even mourn his death.
The older I get I realize that he did what he believed was the right thing to do. He wanted the best for all
Of us. I was my parents greatest disappointment. I failed them miserably and I live with this daily.
I’ve failed every member of my family.
I’ve done what I can to give generously and to
Love with all
My heart but it
Doesn’t
Matter. I will never be able to erase my failures. I am alone with my thoughts and emotions as it has always been with my family my entire life.
I’m so grateful for my wonderful husband, Bob. He is my soulmate
And my ultimate gift from God who brings me
Comfort and love every single
Day of my life.
I can’t wait to begin the final journey of our life with him.
We hope
To explore the world together as nomads. I’ve never had a home or community or family without my darling Bob.
My dad liked Bob. He may have loved
Him. Dad never told
Me
He loved me so I don’t know for sure but I think he love my Bob.
