10/29/2026
My Heart and I Have Been Having a Long-Term Disagreement
I’ve been dealing with angina for at least 18 years. In the beginning, it only happened once in a while. The doctors told me they could treat it with medicine, so that’s what we did.
We treated it with medicine, cookies, and some ice cream.
I figured the medicine was for my heart, and the cookies and ice cream were for my morale.
For a long time, nitroglycerin and I were really good friends. I’d get some chest pain, take a pill, and most of the time, everything settled down.
We had a pretty good arrangement.
Eventually, though, one pill wasn’t enough. I had to start with two. And if two didn’t work, I’d take two more.
Apparently, my heart had developed expensive tastes.
For years, I managed to get along pretty well. Then, in the last year, everything changed. The chest pains got worse, they happened more frequently, and I started going through nitroglycerin like it was going out of style.
I went from having an occasional heart problem to running a full-time heart-management operation.
No vacation days. No sick days. No retirement plan.
And the worst part? I was doing all this work, and the damn heart wasn’t even paying me!
Then came the big surprise.
They discovered that an artery on the back of my heart was 100% blocked.
Now, you’d think after 18 years of having heart problems, somebody would have mentioned that my heart was planning to close an entire department.
But apparently, my body had found a workaround. Little blood vessels had developed to carry blood around the blockage.
So my heart had basically built its own detour.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting here taking pills, dealing with chest pain, and trying to figure out what the hell happened to my retirement years.
I started out with an occasional pill, cookies, and ice cream.
Now I’ve got a full-time job managing my heart, a medicine cabinet that looks like a pharmacy, and an artery that’s completely closed for business.
Eighteen years on the job, and I still haven’t figured out who’s in charge around here.
And I’m pretty sure it isn’t me.