05/30/2026
With Eastern Market’s Tuesday and Sunday markets returning June 2, local couple Ben Dover and Tess Tickle say they can’t wait to spend the morning walking shoulder-to-shoulder directly in the middle of crowded aisles while remaining completely unaware of everyone around them.
Witnesses say the pair traditionally arrives carrying iced coffees before immediately stopping every 12 feet to look at flowers, point at bread, or discuss whether they should “become plant people this summer.”
“They move at the exact speed needed to ruin everyone else’s day,” said one frustrated shopper attempting to carry produce around them. “Somehow they block the entire market without even trying.”
At press time, Dover and Tickle had purchased one candle, a succulent they’ll accidentally kill by Friday, and a tote bag reminding others to “support local.”